The Art of Letting Go

Posted: August 13, 2017 by Harper

i never felt so alive…

Shyness has choked the goodness out of every moment. I’ve always been self conscious about how the world views me in public spaces. Are they staring at me? Is there something wrong with what I’m doing? Always jealous of the people that I’d see living carefree dancing their hearts out off beat, on beat wishing I could live a life that wasn’t so consumed by what people may say. I would always go to concerts and I’d do a cute little head bob and rap/sing along to the music. Maybe a stranger next to me would get mad and move my body with theirs but for the most part I was still.

But Friday night though..

Friday night though.

It started with Anderson Paak.

I accidentally fell in love with Anderson Paak listening  toTiny Desk concerts on YouTube at work. I always read the name and thought I didn’t rock with his music for some reason. That’s until YouTube’s autoplay feature moved from T-Pain’s concert to his and I lost my everloving mind. I jammed out for three days straight until the point where I got tired of listening to the drumming and screaming. Hell, it wasn’t until the concert crept up on me and I looked at my tickets that I remembered that he was on tour with J. Cole.

J.Cole, 4YourEyezOnly, Atlanta, Infinite Arena
J. Cole heading towards us.

I was ready to get my life.

I told myself no matter what you are dancing at this concert.  One step. Two step. Hip sway. You’re moving your body. I tried to do this with Bas and realized I don’t listen to his music like that but I made myself get up when Anderson Paak came out. Y’all it was so scary. No one else was up but me but I committed to rocking out all by myself. Once I realized I wasn’t going to die of embarrassment, ya’ll I lost my little mind but by then his set was over and I was sitting back down.

After I sat back down, the guys next to me started talking to me. I was like is this what getting your life causes? Bonding moments with the rest of front row? They started making conversation about my Kendrick and J. Cole shirt and we shared our Cole history and talking about going to see Kendrick. We all agreed that if we touched Cole that we would literally die together. I have never made a concert death pact. It was so fun planning to die with strangers.

When the lights went out we searched for him in the crowd. The people to our right spazzed out and we knew it was happening. We were going to get to touch him before he got on stage. He came around the corner looking like Jesus’ incarcerated cousin and I completely froze. There was no barrier between us. I was standing next to my idol. I didn’t know if I would ever get to touch him again so I grabbed his arm to make sure he was real. Ya’ll. He. Was. Real. I turned to my new friends and we spazzed together. By the time Cole hit the stage and the music slapped us, one was leaning back, the other was mid air and I had both my hands up like I was on a roller coaster ride. When the beat dropped, it was like we all unfroze and lost our fucking minds.

I’ve never sung so loudly. I never danced so hard in a public space. I never rocked the fuck out. I never talked to strangers just for the fun of it. Maybe it was the Crown Apple and cranberry that I had before the show started. I honestly think someone put something in my drink midway through the show because I was woozy for a second but Friday night was europhic. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to rewind it back to the moment when I touched J. Cole for the first time only to touch him again for the second time. You can see a clip of him coming towards us for the last time to shake our hands and hear me screaming and dying all over again. This video has way too many views for what it is.




😂😂😂😂 me screaming to my new friends from Knoxville. we were so fucking hype man.

A post shared by gwanz (@gwanz) on

The guys from the show found me from this post so now we’re friends on IG.

Can you feel my excitement through this post? I have never felt so amazing. I never felt prouder.  This conquering fears thing has me so litty. I’m so much happier. I twerk everyday. I think of ways to make my life better. This may be small but if you lived inside of my head for 29 years, you’d know how big this is. I can’t wait for the Kendrick show at the end of the month. Below is a clip from the show of me singing along to my favorite song on the album.

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