Working Through Disappointments

Posted: January 31, 2018 by Harper

I am pretty sick of the mantra, “God helps those who help themselves.” because I’ve been working overtime to make myself available and open to meeting new people but I don’t seem to meet anyone longlasting.

What does a girl have to do to meet people who won’t disappoint me, who show up for me and support me 100% through everything? Someone I could call and say, “Hey, let me hold $50.”

Growing up shy, I have never been good at making friends and the friends I did make were never worth the time spent. I’ve had a friend who tried to sell my virginity to their 40-year-old brother, friends who would let me book a trip to visit them and then try to third wheel me into dates with their boyfriends, friends who’ve asked me to hang out and I end up in a strange house watching TV with a stranger while she has loud sex with someone.

There’s more but we would be here for twenty-nine years going through them all.

I’ve been trying to work on not cutting everyone out of my life when they get on my nerves. I’ve been setting standards for what I will and won’t accept. I have 15 contacts in my phone. Five are supposed to be deleted. Five are people who I talk to every blue moon and then there’s the five that I give the time of day. Some new breaths of fresh air and then some hanging on by a thread because they’re just not cutting it but I just let them annoy me because I don’t think it’s healthy to be without human contact.

In a perfect world, I’d have a friend that I would happily name my maid of honor in my wedding, a friend that would show up for the important days of my life, a friend who would celebrate me without asking and a friend who would help elevate me because my wins are her/his wins. I want a family. I want people who get me, won’t leave me when they have kids or get in a relationship. I want someone that I can text “I’m sad.” and get a reply back the same week. I want the Godmother/father to my children. I want traditions. I want vacations. I want people who would kill for me. Whose promises mean something. People who want to do the things that I want to do.

This whole year (lol) I’ve been liking pictures with so much envy on Instagram like where are these people meeting their friends? As an adult, where do you meet the people who are about something more than being users? I’ve been joining Facebook groups related to my interests to help me seek out people. I really really want a good heterosexual guy friend.

I am really going to be working overtime to find these relationships I want and try to make the ones I have better so I can have what I need. I thought the only hard time I would have with relationships in adulthood would be finding a husband but damn it’s all of them.

3 Comments

  • Shannon February 10, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    I can really relate to this on SO many levels! I’ve always been a loner of some sorts. I use to have a good amount of associates, but I had to cut them loose. To be frank, I needed to. Letting people go isn’t a bad thing. To me it means that you’re growing onto better things and maturing. A lot of friendships don’t last forever and no one should be friends with people who don’t have their best interests at heart nor provide reciprocation. I have a very very small circle of friends, very few, that I value. I don’t get to see them as much as I like to but when we talk, it’s like we never stopped. You’re doing the right thing by filtering unnecessary people from your life. They have no place or purpose there. You ARE going to meet some mature people because your mind is in a place where you’re recognizing who is important and who isn’t. Pretty soon you will meet people according to your own standards because they won’t be hard to spot.

    Reply
  • Rae February 15, 2018 at 3:45 pm

    You could always move down here to Louisiana and we can pig out on the couch while binge-watching a show.

    I’m big on quality versus quantity so I only have a FEW friends that I know that I can depend on. But, we all live in opposite directions so even though I talk to them regularly, I’m not able to see them everyday with all that we all have going on. But I am making a conscious effort to make plans where we are able to get together monthly or more often than that.

    I know you hate mantras and all that, but God will place the right people in your life at the right time. Don’t be so down about it. You never know what God may be delivering you from or saving you from. People out here aren’t loyal anymore. Or have they ever been?

    Reply
  • Brandy February 23, 2018 at 12:13 am

    I’ve always been a loner growing up as well, but it’s the way that I prefer it. There’s no reason to label yourself based on how many friends you have. Some people have loads of friends, others are like us, we are keen to enjoy our own company.

    Reply

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