I’ve been noticing this pattern in my life where I feel like I’m being tested by God. Every negative point that I hit it’s like he’s waiting to see my reaction. I mean it’s definitely easy to stay positive and have extreme faith when your life is great and going in the direction that you feel it should be but what happens when the ground gets shaky? Can you still stand strong in your faith that everything will work itself out? Last year, I had an exceptionally great year, I stepped out on faith, got a new job that I loved (can’t say that I do now but I digress), I traveled to every single placed my heart desired and experienced beauty and reached a new level of self-awareness. I touched the hem of a rap legend and looked into the eyes of another. I ended the year blissful as hell. I mean I saw Jim Carrey in the flesh! How could my life not start to blossom in the ways that I wanted? How sway?
And then 2018 started and I was annoyed every single day. I was so annoyed that I was saging my mind to fight back against the piling negativity. I started receiving bills that I wasn’t expecting. I literally almost died and had to really suffer in agony for a while. Today is one of my better days and I sat and thought about my reactions to all of this. I wondered if the reasons why things in the past didn’t happen for me sometimes was because I didn’t react the right way. Maybe God felt like I wasn’t ready.
Now, I think about how I reacted to every negative thing that has been thrown at me in 2018. I feel I handled near death exceptionally well and I never stop fighting for my peace of mind. I always gave myself time to work through my feelings and giving things up to God to work out. I was worried about money for my trip to Colombia because life happened. I tossed it to God and I have an overflow. I wanted to get accessories for my GoPro so I can finally vlog my trips properly. I got what I could afford and tossed it up to God. I got to work, got employee of the month and the one thing that I refused to buy to set up for my camera because it cost too much for what it was, the gift card that I earned can pay for it in full.
So now I look at my vision board and I know that everything that I wrote is going to come to fruition. I may not understand how I will get there but I know it will happen.